I came to a startling realization last night while alone in my thoughts that I was dragging some of my old issues of past relationships into the present. About 6 years ago I was so broke that I could not afford to pay attention when I started talking to this girl. We hung out and everything was cool but I was starting to get attached. Not long after our developing relationship did she make mention about how her old boyfriend drove a BMW, had his own business and was pretty successful.
At the time though I had big dreams I was far from an image of success. I drove a rusted out minivan and had zero furniture save a borrowed air mattress and an ironing board. Well, later that week she and I were supposed to hang out when she called to cancel saying that she was tired and had an early morning, which again was fine though I wanted to hang out.
So the next day came and went and when I finally told to ol girl she was very different. Turns out her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Successful, had come into town, showed up on her doorstep and they talked the night away trying to make things work out. Translation to a then broken heart: if I was more successful then she would have stayed with me. I also concluded that when a girl does not answer your phone call or is socially distant then the relationship is headed for a downward spiral.
As many of you know I am dating the reigning Miss Georgia 09’, Chasity Hardman and followed my Twitter updates while I was out in Vegas for the Miss America pageant. Well, while I was out there I had severe mixed emotions that I could not shake but nor could I understand why. Now that I am equipped with this revelation I see what my internal programming was if she won Miss America then that would be the end of us because, as in the case with Mr. Successful, I could not compete with that level of success. And to further exacerbate the situation she did not call me on several of the nights and when she did call we maybe talked for about 3 minutes…literally.
I am ashamed to say this but I was a wreck…emotionally drained. By cheering her on I really felt like I was losing the love of my life. I knew that I wanted her to win because it would open so many doors of opportunity for her and I knew that she could win but at the same time I was hurting. I had no way of knowing at the time that the reason why she did not call is because she was running from 5:45 a.m. to about midnight every night going to appearances and competing but my only thought was she is leaving me just like ol’ girl.
So often we penalize the person to whom we are dating or are married to because of things that individuals have done to us in our past. Emotionally, we have got to realize that the person we are with are different and then act differently towards them even if they do the same things. Its not Chasity’s fault that I made a poor relationship choice prior to her but if I didn’t choose to change I would penalize her for it. And that’s not fair.
You may have been cheated on by your ex and now you feel like you have to keep tabs on your boyfriend
or girlfriend in order to make sure that you know where they are at all times. Your thought process is, “I will never be cheated on again,” however, you hold yourself in bondage when you attempt to control someone else. Act against your instinct. Let, them go have fun with the boys, don’t expect them to always call and tell you where they are, and don’t make them ditch all of their opposing gender friends just because you are in their life. Think logically, if they wanted to date those friends instead of you then they would be with them and not you.
Just relax and have fun. Will people hurt you? Absolutely. Will everyone hurt you? Absolutely not. What you think about you bring about is something that my mother always used to say. When you control people because you don’t want them to hurt you what you are thinking about is people hurting you, therefore you will attract people who hurt you. When you don’t attempt to control individuals then you are saying, “I trust you not to hurt me,” and by default you will begin to attract people into your life who will love and support you. I understand the pain of emotional change but I also understand that the pain of staying the same is far greater. Decide to change and you will be changed. Choose to be out with the old and get in with the new.
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Great Blog! I really enjoyed reading it,Steven:-)
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