How to Speak the Language of Love

“The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” written by Gary Chapman has in a lot of ways changed the way I express love to those in my life. This book has helped me to understand the actions of my girlfriend, parents, friends and siblings. The essence of the book is that you do not speak French to someone who only speaks Spanish. What does that mean? Everyone has their own love language and just like in the world of speaking if you do not speak their language then they will not understand that you are trying to communicate. Therefore, in order to show love you have to communicate that love in a language that your special someone will understand. To further explain this principle you first need to know the five language of love according to Gary Chapman:

Giving of Gifts – Those who love through the giving of gifts.
Quality Time – Having a great conversation over a cup of coffee, going on a walk, or having a nice dinner are all examples of quality time. Watching television is not because this activity does not engage the mind and time of the other person.
Acts of Service – Tasks such as doing the laundry, washing the dishes, fixing a dinner plate, or cleaning the house are all examples of acts of service.
Words of Affirmation – Words of affirmation come in the form of compliments and praise, like you have great skin, you have beautiful eyes, I admire the way that you interact with a crowd and you are extremely gifted.
Touch – This is not limited to sexual experiences rather has more to do with activities like holding hands, snuggling on the couch, and soft romantic kisses.

The first step in speaking your loved ones love language is to understand what their love language is. Though I am sure that you saw a little bit of yourself in all of them, you will have a dominant and a secondary love language that you will consistently show to those you cherish. To know your love language, observe how you show your kids, parents or partner that you love them. Are you constantly trying to do things for them? Do you purchase gifts? Are you verbal in your affection? Are you always willing to take the time to talk with others? After you self analyze then look to the one whom you are in a relationship with to understand their language.

The importance of this knowledge is that if your love language is acts of service and your partners love language is the giving of gifts then when you are washing the dishes for her she will not understand that you are showing your love for her. She will understand that you love her when you buy her a rose, a shirt or some other random item that lets her know that you have been thinking about her when she was not present.

I believe that many relationships fall apart because they stop speaking each other’s love language therefore, the parties involved say things like, “We just fell out of love.” In the beginning you and your girlfriend or boyfriend are riding on a euphoric wave of love and everything seems to be going perfect. However, when the honeymoon stage wears off and you begin to settle into whom you are then that is when you begin to grow apart. In order to rekindle your love start by showing your love in a language that they will understand.

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