Have you ever been to a party, networking event or just in casual conversation with a person who socially did not have a clue? Me too! The fact that they cannot see you trying to get away and how they do not pick up on any of the social cues that you are obviously dropping to them makes me laugh. So I wanted to create this blog to help the people you know and possibly even you, how not to be a jerk in conversation.
Social skills are learned and developed skill just like any other. If you had social, out going parents and friends that will help you talk to people but that does not mean that they will enjoy the experience. The first personal development book that I read was, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” written by Dale Carnegie. This book completely changed the way that I thought about dealing with people. Sure I could talk to people but I was far from a good communicator. Here are 5 tips to the art of communication that will help you make friends, close the sale, and yes, gentlemen even to get her interested in you.
1. Talk about them
When you are in a group of people listen to what they are talking about. Everyone is talking about personal experiences that involve their friends, families, successes and failures and a endless amount of other subjects all having the most popular word in the English language, “I,” or would that be considered a letter…we will go with both.
Invite the other person to talk about them by asking questions and then let them talk. The more you let them talk about themselves, the more they will find you interesting. I have had people tell me that I am a great conversationalist or that they really enjoy talking to me but what that person does not realize is that I just shut up, asked questions and let them talk about themselves…the whole time!
2. Seek to understand before being understood
We are so eager to prove that we are right that we fail to understand what the other person is saying. You know that you have made this mistake when you are in the middle of an argument and you forgot what the heck you were arguing about in the first place.
3. People do not do things to you they do things for themselves
Don’t take things so personal. If someone cut you off in traffic its because they are late not because they were out to ruin your day. And don’t act like you have never made a poor driving choice.
4. Praise in public, correct in private
Nothing will bring a smile to someone’s face quicker than a public compliment and nothing will damper a mood faster than a public rebuke. And you should praise twice as much as you correct. Think of the other person like an emotion bank. If you have not made any deposits you cannot make any withdraws.
5. Be Genuine
You know when someone is being fake. Be comfortable with who you are. If you have a conservative personality, that’s great. If you are outgoing that great also. People for the most part do not mind that as long as when they speak to you they feel loved.
When you meet people at an event don’t try to get something out of them. Offer value and if a contact or business lead comes then it comes if not you have made a referral. If you are in a relationship, serve that person make them feel like the most important individual in the world even when you don’t feel like doing so. Everyone in this world is walking around with an invisible sign around their neck that says make me feel important. If you do what the sign says you will not lack sales or healthy relationships.