how do i know if it's time to breakup

Many of you are in relationships that are causing you pain and the question is being raised…”Is it time to breakup?” That question is a loaded question that is so very hard to sort through because of all of the emotional ramifications that your answer may bring. Let’s try to separate fact from feeling and truth from opinion of whether or not breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is the right choice.

I have a mental list of automatic breakup actions that if executed by me, my girlfried or the person in whom I am interested I would execute the relationship.  Here is the list: disbelief in God, smoking or drug useage, disrepectful to me or my family, cheating, and of course the whole breaking the law thing (except speeding of course )

Furthermore I ask myself are their family values the same as mine, do they have goals, are they selfish and self-centered, do they lie, do they have moral values that parallel my own, and does this person add to my life or take away. Now I understand that these traits can make it seem like I am trying to make breaking up a black and white, check off these items and if your list does not check out then you need to breakup type of decision, but relationships are more gray than black and white. Why are realationships gray? Emotion.

Emotion, primarily caused by sexual intimacy, has a tendency to cloud your judgement when it comes to the individual whom you want to keep in your life. Sexual intimacy causes a soul tie and its God’s way of keeping two people together when they want to run in two opposite directions as fast as they can while screaming, “Get me out of here!” Due to this reason I made the decision in the year 2000, during senior week at Mrytle Beach, to be sexually absent.

Nine years later this decision has made all the difference. Being able to separate physical intimacy from the relationship has enabled me to see warning signs that I would have never seen while sexually active. I am not condeming your lifestyle but I am trying to explain why it seems like your heart is riping out of your chest everytime you want to walk away from the relationship. You two are emotionally attached.

So the million dollar question is how do you walk away from someone whom you are emotionally attached too on the huntch that there may be someone else out there who is better for you? That is difficult. And I have had to do it 3 times in my life and none of those times were easy but they were necessary for my healing. Afterwards, when the emotional scars healed (and they don’t heal in 2 weeks) I was a stronger, more established individual both in my career and emotions.

Take an inventory check. Are you happy? Really? Could you spend the rest of your life with this individual as he or she is today? Do they support you in your dreams and goals? Do they make you want to be better? Are you fulfilled? Obviously you need to ask your own questions but I would suggest that you take out a pen and paper and weigh out the good and the bad. Then ask your closest friend who will shoot you straight what you should do. But, once your decision has been made you need to manage that decision.

Take action and then rely on your support group for help. You are worth it. Your dreams are worth it. Your future is worth it. Your life is worth it. Know when to let go.

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